I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
