i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
