I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
