It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Randomize
