Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
