So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize