O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
