Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
