ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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