that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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