Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
