Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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