Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
