Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
