doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
