So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
