We named our party play list daddy issues
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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