well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
