this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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