You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
