I can text with my tongue
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
