Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
