Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
