I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
