I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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