when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
