Dual....:-)
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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