No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this just has baby written all over it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
