Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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