I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
