so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
