I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
