If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
