Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
