never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
