I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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