I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
