Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
