I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
