i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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