If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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