i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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