Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
