can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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