So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
