If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
