just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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