I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Be still, my beating vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
