saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize