I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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