I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
