yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize