So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
