I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
