I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
