got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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