Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
