Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This toilet bowl is my home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
