I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
