I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
