I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
