At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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