I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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