How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
