Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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