I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
