Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
