Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
