Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
